And on the 7th Day Even God Rested

I have been blessed this week to look into the eyes of the tired, the frustrated, the feeling defeated but never giving up, the overwhelmed, the determined, the fearless caregivers. They don’t know how they do what they do. They just keep putting one foot in front of the other, taking it one day at a time. Some of these exceptional human beings are motivated by an intense love for the person for whom they are caring. It may be their wife, their mother, their father, their husband, their child, or a dear sweet friend with whom they have been through the good, bad and ugly that life has thrown their way. Others are driven by compassion for a total stranger. These caregivers are doing what comes natural to them. They have a gifting God placed inside of them that enables them to walk into a mess and start picking up the pieces, straightening out the wrinkles, working from top to bottom, clean to dirty. Again, I am greatly blessed to know so many wonderful caregivers, both those devoted to their families and those dedicated to their profession. The common thread among them all; the work takes its toll, emotionally and physically. So, I want to share a phrase taught to me at the very beginning of nursing school, “You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself”.

How do we do that? For the family caregiver your job is often 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. This is hard. For the professional, there is always an extra shift you could pick up, one more patient to check on, one more client that needs a sitter you could squeeze into your week. So, what’s the answer? How can we take better care of ourselves so we can continue to serve others? Something I’ve been pondering recently is, God all mighty created the whole earth in six days, BUT on the seventh day even God rested. So, as caregivers how do we make this happen in our lives? I’m sure a rest day sounds wonderful for everyone.

Family caregiver

For the family caregiver we need a helper, some sort of resource. I am compiling a resource list that I will share with you in a future blog. In the meantime, I’ll share a few ideas. When you are on the job 24/7 hiring a good sitter at least one day a week would be ideal, if it is at all possible. Sitters are, however, costly and they have to be good to give you peace of mind. The good ones become like family. I still remember my granddaddy’s sitter when he was under hospice care at his home. Even though I was only 17 and lived 3 states away, she made a positive impact on our entire family and my grandaddy’s quality of life. We will discuss sitter interviews in a later blog.

If a hired caregiver is impossible, the next best thing is a spouse, a sibling, a cousin or a friend. Hopefully you can spread the caregiving responsibilities between a few of them. And make sure they are ok with all the necessary responsibilities. If someone isn’t comfortable with incontinence, for example, they may still be able to come for a 2 hour visit to give you a chance to get out of the house. Or maybe they could stay for a day, while you are at home, to watch your loved one and call you when there is “a problem”, giving you a chance to do your regular house work without worry, to read a book, take a nap, or just be alone for a little while. This reminds me of when I was 9 years old I “babysat” my 6-year-old best friend while his mom, a night shift nurse, was sleeping. I was old enough to know right from wrong, but not old enough to handle a problem if it arose. However, all we had to do was holler for mom and she was there in seconds. This allowed her to rest but still be present when needed. Other ways friends and family can help is bringing a meal or cooking one in your home for you, helping with your laundry, housekeeping, or picking up groceries for you. This may sound like what you need but you’re thinking how do I accomplish this? Call that family member or friend. You know, the one that loves to organize, direct, and maybe even take charge. You probably just need to say, “help!”. They’ve probably been waiting for the call. You may need to give them a list of needs, but let them help. They may not do it the way you would do it, but you need that seventh day rest and your loved one will receive the best care from you the other 6 days because you took it. If you don’t take it, you run a high risk of being tired, irritable and making mistakes. Mother Teresa is credited with saying God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but we have to see the resources through friends and family he has given us to help us handle it. YOU can do it; you are more than enough. Love never fails.

Professional Caregiver

For the professional caregiver, the road can be long, lonely, emotional, physically and mentally taxing. This covers such a wide range of people; the one-on-one sitter, the home health and hospice workers, nursing home and assisted living staff, the hospital team just to name a few broad areas. These professionals provide the respite for the above-mentioned family caregivers. They hold their hand during the hardest diagnosis and prognosis, they fill in where the family caregiver has physical and emotional limitations. The nursing school advice still stands, “You can’t take care of anyone else if you don’t take care of yourself”. It’s easy to clock in to work for the compassionate caregiver, but it is often very hard to clock out. Your health is important, your family is important, your day of rest is so very important. I used to work 10 days on and 4 days off. It made for a great weekend, but for 6 days I was a great nursing assistant, but the last 4 I was only a good nursing assistant. My patients suffered because I didn’t take my day of rest, because I was working too hard at giving the most quantity of my time rather than my best quality time. The more fulfilling our life is outside of caregiving the better caregiver we will be. I think most caregivers learn this over the years. My hope is that this helps get someone headed down the path of a balanced life and wipes away any guilt of not giving enough.

Caregiver is such a special role regardless of the type. It is such an honor and a privilege to fulfill this role in any capacity for anyone. My hope is we never loose site of that, and we come together, join together, and team up for the best patient and caregiver quality of life possible.